One year ago today I was making an appt. to go have the lump I found the night before checked out. I can't believe how slow and how fast this year has gone. Yesterday thinking about that night I brushed my hand across my chest, and all the things I've gone through since then got me pretty emotional. I'm guessing when the year anniversary comes next month since my diagnosis that too will be an emotional day. Just when I start to think I'm good on the emotions they come again. The feelings are still fresh thinking about the tests, the surgery, the chemo, etc. Everyday when I look in the mirror and can't figure out what to do with this new hair or try to pick a shirt out that looks right is a reminder of each day that has passed.
I am grateful for this journey, I hope that I can use it to glorify our Lord as he has planned for me. There are days when I wish it hadn't been, but I feel like those are a normal part of the process. Over the last year I have gained much more then I ever would have, if I had just kept going on with life as before. I appreciate each day of life, no I am not happy all the time, but I do find something each day to be thankful for even on my down days. I'm grateful for my support system, as Nate said in the beginning, "we'll find out who's in and who isn't" and we did, and we were surprised by some. I feel like I want to change the world for the better. I want to do something big that will make a difference to a lot of people, but will settle for one person at a time. I've found courage over this last year that I didn't know was there. I'm ready to tell people about it, to show people the good that has come out of this year, and to encourage others not just with cancer, but life!
I'm ready to put this struggles behind me, although there are still more to overcome, and get on with this new opportunity I've been given.
I've been changed... for the better, but I am still human. I have down days, I still get mad at the kids and yell, I still obsess about some things that aren't always important, I'm still anal about having my house clean, I still worry when I should let go and let God, I still complain, I still eat things I shouldn't, and I still have some road rage :), but mostly instead of driving myself crazy I want to embrace those things as a part of who I am and how I can continue to grow myself, and to always remember life can change in the blink of an eye so don't get too comfortable.